Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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