i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
