I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
