She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
