I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
