i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
