Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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