Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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