I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
