So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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