So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
he fucked my hip out of place.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
