I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
