You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
smell my finger.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize