Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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