Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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