If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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