so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
