There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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