i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
