Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
