What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
