First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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