I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
