I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
