Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
