I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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