Your tits are I can't wait for
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
