eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It's no shave November. This is our time.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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