Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
