i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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