i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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