any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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