we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
