He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
