He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
