i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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