Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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