bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
