She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
