i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
