so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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