so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
