i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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