Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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