Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
