I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
