he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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