Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
