Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
porn star boner night. come get it.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
