Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
