i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
