Did you just see the Batmobile???
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
