just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Randomize
