I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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