how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
accomplished twins. life is a go
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
