On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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