Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
