The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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