I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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