when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
