great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize