I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
