Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We talked him into tasing himself.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
