What a fucking waste of an outfit
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
