i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
