a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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