Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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