i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize