At least make sure they are 18
Why
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
