so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just had sex on a roof
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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